From WhiteBoard News for October 26, 1994

Tucson, Arizona:

It it's true that you are what you eat, 40-year-old
computer programmer Jenz Johnson is one part Cheez Whiz
and one part Spam.

Those are the staple ingredients in 120 recipes that
Johnson has compiled in "Gigabites: The Hacker
Cookbook."  Based on the hacker tenet that you should
"eat until you drop and eat what you drop," the book
offers a variety of canned, processed and microwaved
fare.

Leftovers play an important role in the book's recipes
for Pretzel Lasagna, Twinkie Casserole and French Fries
and Ketchup Soup.  "Hackers can make a whole dip out of
leftover Chinese food," says Johnson.  "Of course, they
can also make a whole breakfast out it."

Just as roux is the foundation of French food, dip is
the foundation of hacker cuisine.  "Hackers hate
wasting time on anything but computers," Johnson
explains, and chips and dip "only tie up one hand for a
quick second."

Johnson, whose culinary expertise is limited to a short
stint on the late shift at a pancake house, collected
the recipes from friends and his own eating experience.
The book opens with 33 dips, including Leftover Mashed
Potato Dip, Minced Burger Dip and Five-Minute Quiche
Dip, in which "milk, eggs and cheese are replaced with
unflavored gelatin and Cheez Whiz to approximate the
same taste and consistency."

Kay Johnson, Johnson's mother, raised her son on
healthful fare and wouldn't recommend "Gigabites" to
parents.  As far as she can tell, she says, it is only
meant to be humorous.  (Once, she notes, her son
published a calendar that had no Mondays in it.)

Johnson's cheesy dishes are best washed down with
caffeine, another hacker staple that allows technoheads
"to cram more living into each day," he says.  Hence
the recipe for Hammerheads: two cups coffee, two
demicups espresso, two teaspoons powdered coffee, two
teaspoons powdered chocolate (or chocolate syrup), a
splash of cream and a dash of sugar.

The hacker guide also offers helpful hints on after-
dinner cleanup ("the C word"):  Minimize dishwashing by
using a spoon and can opener and eating from the pan:
also, dunk a lot.  Another good way to contain any
rogue food: "the forearm squeegee."  Better yet, the
book advises, don't clean up at all.

joeha@microsoft.com