Date: Mon, 16 Jan 95 12:03:41 -0500
From: Usenet Oracle <oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Usenet Oracularity #706-05

Selected-By: engel@colossus.San-Jose.ate.slb.com (Mike Engelhardt)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise,
> who understands the tax code of all nations,
> who always knows where it is at, whatever it
> may happen to be.
>
> Please find enclosed a sample box of our
> new Black Woodchuck ammunition.  It is available
> in .38, .45, 9mm, and of course .ZOT!  It is
> guaranteed to leave absolutely no trace of the
> little devils.
>
> If you like our product, more is available in
> mil-spec packaging at US $10,000 / box 50.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> A. Supp Licant
> President of Sales, Improbable Arms Industries
>
> PS regarding the "Black Rhino" ammunition being offered
> by our competitors--  We at Improbable Arms Industries
> do not recommend shooting at a Rhinoceros with any sort
> of a handgun.  They get moody when their lunch is
> interrupted.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmmm...
}
} <the Oracle goes to his gun cabinet, pulls out his trusty .38 and loads
} <it with Black Woodchuck ammunition. The Oracle walks out the back door
} <of his study and walks to his woodchuck range.
}
} Pull!
}
} <A woodchuck files across the field in front of the oracle, who quickly
} <takes aim and fires, whereupon a golfball sized hole appears in the
} <woodchucks forehead.
}
} Not bad, but a little underpowered.
}
} <The oracle next retrieves his .45 Colt and loads it with Black
} <Woodchuck ammunition. returning to the range he shouts...
}
} Pull!
}
} <Two woodchucks fly across the field, and the Oracle squeezes off
} <fires, both of the woodchucks heads disappearing into a fine red mist.
}
} Much, much better! Still, something is lacking.
}
} <The Oracle goes to his gun closet and retrieves his double barreled
} <sawed-off Zot!gun, breaks it open and loads it with Zot gauge Black
} <Woodchuck shells. He returns to the range and again shouts...
}
} Pull!
}
} <A solitary woodchuck flies across the field. The Oracle, firing from
} <the hip, discharges both barrels at the hapless creature. The
} <woodchuck glows bright orange for a nanosecond, and the ceases to
} <exist.
}
} Yes! Excellent! Just the thing for those pesky supplicants. Why, I
} might even have time for a nice leisurely hunting trip!
}
} Why, I think I might just order some. Hmmm, $10,000 a box, that's a
} little steep. I Think I'll just...
}
} <At exactly that moment, a freak cosmic happenstance causes a small
} <comet to veer off course and crash into the Earth's atmosphere. Most
} <of the comet is destroyed by rentry, but a small fragment survives,
} <and, by amazing coincidence, crashes throught the roof of Improbable
} <Arms Industries, smashing the Nuclear-tipped Cruise Missile assembly
} <area, resulting in am explosion which destroys the factory as well as
} <a good sized area of Arkansas. All rights to patents trademarks, etc,
} <reverted to the Oracle, who, throughly impressed by the quality of the
} <Black Woodchuck ammunition, had just adopted the owner of the company,
} <becoming his sole living relative.
}
} You owe the Oracle more woodchucks for target practice.

End of Usenet Oracularities Digest #706
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